Saturday, September 30, 2006

well, it isnt easy for me either.

a special entry to my dear lil boy:

for being ever so patient, tolerant and forgiving no matter the circumstance and a fine example of actions speaking louder than words cos what you've done is solid proof of all that you've told me - the promises, the assurances, name it all.

its been a little over 2 months now and things are looking rather well and i do hope that they'll be even better in the days to come, spent together with you. =] and you said i must have felt it wasnt worth much being with someone who would be gone but you have my assurance that i dont feel so, never will im very sure ! and i don wanna think of the negative aspects of the near future cos im pretty sure it aint gonna happen. everythings gonna be alright. know why? cos like u always said we'll go through it together. nothings gonna be impossible. so bear with it a lil while longer and we'll get there. dont you think?

and in the meantime i'll be here for you as long as you want me to, giving you support and cheering you on. i dont give a damn abt jealous lil girls or assholes that have no comprehension of your situation but still dare to open their damned mouths to criticise. they ought to be ashamed of themselves. i love you my dear. and if you ask if i still will after today or tomorrow or the day after

i'd tell you: forever and ever, babe.

past few days were a living nightmare. major aching and non-stop puking. got a jab though and still sleeping 20 hrs a day. =[ i miss everyone !

a million things on my mind - no one to share them with. somehow whatever i say to one person alone ends up being broadcast to a few others. that sucks pretty much. sick and tired of being sick and tired. catch my drift? doubt you do.

grandma's not well. hope things will turn around. cos she's real important and i wouldnt exchange her for the world. she can have my leg. =]

i miss the days when it was just the four of us. with carl brigitte and bryant. rmb how we said that we will still be friends despite us all gg away. bryant left for canada, carl's still here but leaving for australia, brigitte's barely an acquaintance right now. i really had fun then. wish i could relive those years eh. and now i understand what xxhaojiemeixx feels to be friendless. i'll be your friend ! we havent talked in days.

and the lil special one. you'd better be strong and get well cos only you can help yourself. & you promised to never ever go away so dont start backing out on your promises cos i'd hate for that to happen. and i'll loathe you for leaving - childish but true. i'd rather you lose your memory and forget abt every darn thing den to ______.

mum offered me money to tutor my bro.. its easy money provided he even wants to study. i spend like hours trying to get him to study and in the end, he doesnt. to make things worse, he even lost my books. retarded.

ritz is fine, mainly cos i have apple for company. she's the sweetest. =] always willing to change shifts juz to accompany me. teehee.

was at the esplanade today and there was this gang of lians and bengs [ in the usual bunch of 10-20 ppl] which was a turnoff really. they kept trying to see what we were doing and werent discrete about it. disgusting. and when we walked past on the way out they kept turning ard to look at us and made funny noises and weird comments in chinese which i dont understand at all. some lians and bengs jargon.. definitely not smth i wanna know. like EWWW ! mms. the only reason why they have the guts to open the thing on their ugly faces called a mouth is cos they were in a big group and obviously no one in the right mind would retaliate. the bottom line is they are just a buncha cowards with like futures being wasted away. too bad for them. HA !

someone's starting SIP tmr.. and i know we wont get to meet up as often now but i do hope that it wont cause us to drift apart cos i'd hate for that to happen. and time really flies and those who thought we wouldn't make it past 2 weeks together are dead wrong. cos here we are, nearing 2 months and with more to come, about to prove you wrong - big time.

and when i left they were like:

a: eh so poor thing why you alone?
b: yeah lo so poor thing ur bf lei?
a: ya why mark not with you?
and theres more where that came from.

i was this close to answering dont know dont care.

and Lingyu was really sweet to listen to the shit i had to say till like almost 5 in the morning. and to offer to send me home juz now. much love !

it still is clear for everyone to see.
not that i should care.

but.
on a happier note:

i found this quote on the net but it didnt say where it came from.

As we grow up,
we learn that even the one person
that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once
and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast,
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

its friggin true isnt it? =[

and
im glad to have someone who :
%% is always there for me no matter what
%% tries juz to spend a lil more time with me
%% doesnt mind travelling so long and so far juz to meet for a lil while
%% is willing to put up with my unreasonable tantrum- throwing [ like yesterday]
&& actually does smth to help me with problems and not juz give empty talk and promises
%% wakes up super duper early to prepare breakfast or to send me to school
%% does the retard-est things just to cheer me up
%% understands
%% does the sweetest things
&& gives 110%
the list could go on forever.

&
i do appreciate it all and would gladly do the same and more.
just in case you're reading,
you're loved !
for real.

* Carmen
* lurve_hatred@hotmail.com
* 17-ish
* TP 1B-07
* x)

* One tree hill / The simple life / America's NTM / progs on Star World
* Splurging
* Schooling? believe it or not. Work = boo.
* my iPod & digicam.
* People [ friend-people not people-people and lil gay goldfish people... =D] =X

* Superficial & scheming cunts
* Typical ah lians / ah bengs
* Flirts, etc etc.
* Ppl who are pathetic and don even know it. Its sad, really.
* & emphasis on all of the above

* unique candyy that actually tastes gd . mwaha
* pretty pretty stuff
* endless joy and laughter
* stuff that money cant buy
* =]

April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006

| mM_Ilynne | mM_Aaron |
| mM_Weini | mM_Joycey |
| friend | friend |
| friend | friend |

| Silent Whimpers |
| Sarah Free Scans |